and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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