I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize