I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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