I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
