i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
