Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
