and next time when you feel me up, do it right
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
