PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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