I think I died a long time ago.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were trust falling into bushes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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