My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
