I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
