Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
