I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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