Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
