6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
