I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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