Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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