I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
