FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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