Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
