i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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