You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
