i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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