I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
