Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize