I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
