Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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