As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if i died would you start the facebook group?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I touched a dick in church today
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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