Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
