Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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