I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
