Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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