My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
