yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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