i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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