She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
