you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
