The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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