she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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