Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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