Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
