I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
