My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
