She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
