He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
