Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
