you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
