I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
