I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
