So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
