the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize