I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
