Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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