3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
