Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Holy sore nipples Batman
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
