1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
