It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
