she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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