did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
