Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
