Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
