I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
