i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
