i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
