Fine. I'll sleep in my office
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
