:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
