I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
