I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize