My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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