I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
