Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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