i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
