So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize