Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
