Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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