So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
