good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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